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Killian ZhouI can't help but recall the past, which is always the treasure of my life. |
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4/11/2009 ppl come and ppl gogone ppl in different ways
like flowers wither and leaves fall
they'll come back as snow thaws
but who knows if as flourish as before 3/30/2009 The Road TakenTwo roads diverged in a yelow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was steril and unwanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one more traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Maybe. 1/6/2009 I dreamt about ObamaI dreamt about Obama this morning, which kept me in bed for almost an extra hour.
I was somehow situated in a party-like event, where Obama was giving a speech
He came sit on the bench next to me
I was like OH MY GOD! OBAMA! right next to me!
And I greeted him, with courage that I think I can never muster in reality
Well, in the dream I just greet him, as I greet everybody else, without a second thought.
Hey Obama!
He repaid me a smile. I think he did. Charming!
I forget how foolishly I drag the topic onto my birthday that happen to fall on the same day as his
I didn't think it was foolish at all
I was so excited that I think I spoke to him in Chinese...
And in my dream he obviously should understand that
but he still didn't give a shit about it. Charming!
I asked about his daughters. whether they are really going to star in Hollywood.
I told him I heard that they would show in HanaMontana
He said they would not play, for what reason I forget.
But he was excited about Hana Montana and began to sing the song with his body moving
like an ordinary drunk American dancing to the music you know
I for sure couldn't come up with one single tune
For god's sake, is there really a song in Hana Montana? Is this the name?
Due to the displacement of dream, I went on as a foolhardy about the birthday thing
I said you know what, people of Leo were not great, except you
I think, now in full consciousness, I should have put except you far forward, in case his was agitated somewhat
and here and there, I pulled millions of people down with me, which i am sorry for
but as long as they don't see this, there won't be a problem
after all, i don't always speak the truth
that was just what I thought to be true
but this is really what I think to be true
which is simply too stupid a topic to bring up to Obama
but he asked in my dream, what makes you think so
and I actually gave a damn reason!
I observed people around me, I said
those whose birthdays dot around mine or scatter across August
what a damn reason!
anyway, whatever non-great, I love people around me, just like I love myself
what a damn rationalization...
anyway, as the dream dragged on, it became more and more like my fading away monologue
on the stupid topic of the greatness or non-greatness of August-born people
until Obama had to go and I could find my bag nowhere and was terrified to reality
but as I woke up I found I forgot to say, don't let us down, and don't let me down
as so many people find him a charm that will bring hope
as I hope he could prove me wrong about the superstition on the Leos
for when he retains or even fortifies the charm for four year, eight years
I can believe Leos can be really onto something and conquer something with determination
or I can believe there are no groups of people at all
the only two groups are those who want to do it and those who don't even bother 12/6/2008 what about now一篇争夺offer的日志胎死腹中之后
突然发现有些人始终享受的可能只是追求的过程
追求的结果无非就是高不成,低成了也不得造就成就感
于是既非牛人又非知足常乐之人只得享受过程
如今我享受的又是另一番过程
每天迟到半小时上早课
在众多课中选择今天翘哪节
偶尔抽狂性担心一下毕业问题
找为瓦发一发野人之彪
打五彩球小游戏
晚上熬夜赶作业...
不比之前stressful但快乐程度也小幅下滑
但是能够处在某种过程中我仍然应该为之满足
没有leisure time to bother with
说明自己离misery还很远
所以还没有settle down的同胞们
keep momentum and keep moving
你们早晚会是胜利者~ 8/26/2008 when I look back on these times belonging to Canada这活了21年头的
从某种意义上说是失败的
partially体现在 老是回首观望
partially说明了后面大概还有这么点可看之处
partially说明了前面实在没什么好看的,前途无量光
有时又欲看还休,隐忍三分,终究还是忍不住
抑或那牵制着我不可回头的因素终于慢慢淡去,回不回头也不无分别了
时下二零零八年八月二十五
一年前的此时刚刚坐落加拿大
准备吃洋荤开洋文耍洋人呼吸洋空气享受洋风光
事实上除了洋荤吃了不少也没沾到点别的洋气
吃着吃着就秋风扫落叶了
吃着吃这就大雪纷飞了
吃着吃着天又蓝了树又绿了
我就数着日子回家了
which means犯贱的日子快到了
开始依依不舍了
开始作死作活了
因为我开始又回头看了
看看收留了我两个星期的@ers
看看陪伴了我8个月的Roommate
看看相处最久的Steph
看看把自己的围巾给我戴的杭州妹妹
看看被骗去pub的大龄dior男
看看被我偏了一顿饭和一场电影的加拿大小朋友 看看我大学同学的小学同学
看看同样来自上海却风姿卓越的万人迷姐姐
看看帅得让我热泪盈眶的德语老师
看看难得要死的投资学的教授
看看疯过的中国人
看看疯过的的外国人
然后打开这扇此刻还属于我的门
开始整理行囊
丢弃不想丢弃的notes,reviews,papers,我的心血
还有所到之处的旅游手册和地图,我的最爱
撕掉那句尚未实践的座右铭
和门牌
我的宿舍回归成最原始的样子,等待我的离去和下一个主人的到来
I am not here any more.
I am leaving.
于是post Canada的时代来临了
或者说现实来临了
Canada更像是一个确实存在过的梦
每当我回头的时候
朦胧而虚幻地朝我笑笑,又转身离开
于是我也回过头
跟她说,下次再来看你
bye for now 5/2/2008 I am almost done.one week
I am done with Toronto
There is some place that I know I will never be done with.
I will always come back, come back to her.
While there is no place that I dare say I am forever done with.
For now? for sure.
For good? Who knows.
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